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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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So, I’m trudging down Bryggen, the old wharf. It’s beautiful, all those colorful wooden houses. But today? They looked like they were crying too. I’m like, “C’mon, even the buildings are sad?” I stop for coffee at a little café on Torgallmenningen. Best coffee ever, but the barista? Total grump. I’m like, “Dude, it’s just coffee, not rocket science.” He rolls his eyes. I mean, chill, man.

Storms lead to 'partial collapse' of roof at Bergen County Academies auditorium